What is Right?
by CaityJay
Summary: Tree of Tranquility, Jack/male PC's POV: Jack left home in hopes of leaving a part of himself behind, but it continues to haunt him. Jack/Jin; mild angst; homosexual themes
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **_ I can't believe I'm doing this. So, I haven't written anything in months (not even an RP reply), and I get this game and can't get this situation out of my head. I had to write __something. I do feel sufficiently pathetic for writing HM fic, though (writing fic for a simulation game totally doesn't fly with me, but ToT is admittedly less of a sim than most other HM games I've played). As a disclaimer, I just started playing last week, and have only gone through one year in game, in which I've married Anissa (irony, har) and have only two hearts with Jin, so if I go against "canon" in any way, that's probably why. Also, not sure if it is relevant to this story as of yet, but Julius is totally flaming. I'm trying my best to save poor Candace from his freaky rainbow ways in my game, but there is just no way he could possibly be interested in a female. That's just how it is in my little world, so get used to it. Alright, go to._

**----------**

I didn't really know what I was doing, picking up that brochure and leaving my sad excuse of a home to start a new life as a rancher. I mean, really? A month ago the thought of me with my hands in the dirt, pitching bales of hay around would have had me rolling. But by the time I saw that pamphlet, I knew it was my chance to get out.

Only now I really don't know what I'm doing, and my uncertainty has nothing to do with running a farm.

I left the city to get away, not only from my judgmental family, but from myself. I thought that I could leave behind that part of me that insists on not conforming, on being too _different_, and start living my life the _right_ way. Get a girlfriend, or something. Settle down. Hell, overwork myself, anything to keep my mind off my goddamned vices. Of course I should have known better. My old shrink always said that it wasn't something I was going to "get over" and that I needed to accept it as a part of who I was. Needless to say, I've had a hard time doing that, and the change of scenery so far hasn't done much good either way.

It all sort of started at the farm the old mayor bussed me off to when I first got here. I got along great with Craig; I pride myself in my dry sense of humor so we hit it off right off the bat. The old lady was pleasant enough despite her immutable pessimism, but it was the girl who really got me going.

Don't get me wrong, Anissa's a sweet girl, and not unintelligent, but she can sure be obtuse when it comes to reading people. The doctor showed up at the farm a few days after I got here (and I'm not going to lie, the first time I saw him I thought he was a woman with that pretty face), looking for some plant or another and Anissa would not leave him be. I understand that he's sort of her teacher, but she was head over heels with the poor guy, and if he's at all interested I'll eat my foot. Because I could tell, from the way he looked at me when he shook my hand, that he's like me.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** _More? Seriously? Yup. Well, I beat the game last winter and haven't played in a while, but I suddenly felt like continuing this nonsense. With a vengeance. So, suffice it to say, I know a lot more about Jin in canon, now, and when I play again as my daughter I'm totally getting him hitched with Anissa because I'm just so sad for him in my game, all single and depressed (with his two-bed-plus-crib house...). Anyway, so. Haven't quite decided how to deal with the realism factor, so we'll see how that goes. Rainbows, sprites, goddesses and all.  
_

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I went to visit him once I'd moved into my new house. The carpenter guys were pretty cool, and they sure as hell knew what they were doing. I had a nice little cabin on a hill near the woods--nice view of the river off to one side, far enough from everywhere else to be nice and quiet. But anyway, I went to see him.

It was nice to walk. All the walking I'd done in the city was nothing like this. The island is tiny--I'm pretty sure I could walk around the entire coast in half a day. It's close, but not like the closeness of the city. It's lovely. You can breathe out here. Anyway, I enjoyed my first walk back into town. I stopped into a few different places to introduce myself, mostly just to give me an excuse when I finally made my way to the clinic.

I didn't see him immediately, although I was fairly certain he was there. I gave the old woman behind the counter my friendliest smile as she looked up at me. Before I could say anything, she spoke.

"You must be Jack. Irene. I believe you've already met my nephew, Jin," she glanced over to a curtained-off area at her left, and as though summoned by her glance, the doctor appeared.

He was still too beautiful. We were awkward around each other; I could tell he knew I was attracted to him, either that or he was attracted to me, or both. I kept squashing the hope that it was the second reason, but it was stubborn.

"Good morning, Jack," he greeted, somewhat stiffly. "I trust you're doing well."

"Yes, I thought I'd take a walk this morning, meet the neighbors."

Jin smoothly avoided an awkward silence with a curt nod. "That's good. My apologies for being brief, but I really must get back to work. Take care of yourself." With another stiff nod, he retreated back behind the curtains.

Irene rolled her eyes. "Sorry about that," she said softly. She sighed. "The island isn't quite the place it once was, these days. It can be worrisome. I hope you understand."

I nodded, catching myself as I glanced back to the curtains. I said goodbye, and nice-to-meet-you, and left the clinic.

The island really wasn't all it had been cracked up to be. One of the buildings next to the clinic appeared to have been abandoned quite some time ago, there weren't that many people living there--even the air had a sort of stale quality, as though the island itself had had its life snuffed out.

I made my way up into the town square, intending to check out the library and see if I could find anything about this island and what had happened to it to make the residents so jumpy and the atmosphere so morose. Before I could make it to the library, I spotted an unfamiliar figure tending one of the flower beds. Might as well introduce myself, I figured, since that was what I'd been doing all morning.

When he jerked up, startled, I realized that who I'd assumed was a young boy was actually a man not much younger than myself. He quickly covered his surprise with what I could tell was practiced annoyance. Before I could even open my mouth, he was talking.

"You must be the new guy. I can't believe someone actually fell for that stupid flier my father thought up. Now you're stuck here with the rest of us in this ghost town."

That's right: there'd been a storm on my way here that apparently was still out there, preventing the little steamboats on either side from coming or going. No wonder people were antsy. But I wasn't about to take crap from this blond brat.

"I like it here," I countered smoothly, leaning back comfortably with my hands in my pockets. "Nicer than the place I was before."

I managed to keep the grin off my face at his embarrassed blush, but just barely. "Well, it's likely to only get worse," he argued lamely, looking away. I took pity on him and moved on.

"What happened here? It seems like this place used to be pretty nice, but I hear people have been leaving?"

The man--must be Gil, I thought, remembering the Mayor mention something about his only son--glanced over his shoulder, back past the library and to the mountain beyond it. "Yes," he said, inexplicable bitterness plain in his voice, "it used to be pretty nice. Now it's not. Welcome to the island. Good day." He spared me one last glance before stalking off into the town hall building.

I waited a few minutes before following, not wanting to tick him off, stopping to admire the flowerbeds. It was nice to know, even if the people were anxious and the air was still, beautiful flowers still bloomed on this strange island.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** _This is as good a time as any, I suppose, to mention things like how I am claiming some artistic license with this, as well as my dislike for the way Gil's name was translated. I think of "Gil" as short for "Gilbert", and "Gill" as something that helps a fish to breathe. Sue me. Also, as far as the A/N in chapter one goes, Julius and Candace are super adorable and meant for each other, I take it all back. He's still a flaming gay (said lovingly), but gah, the cutscenes. I thought I would die of adorable. Anyway, he'll get a cameo at some point in this story, I've got the scene all planned out. But not for a bit ;) Thanks for comments and such--I've never gotten this much feedback from strangers before, ever. It's kind of neat!_

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I didn't find anything interesting in the library that day, although I was distracted; seems the girl who runs the place hadn't seen a new face in a while. After the third time she asked if she could help me find anything, I waited a minute so I wouldn't seem rude, then quietly escaped. I didn't want to just ask people what had happened--for some reason, these people seemed quite interested in keeping their secrets.

A week or so passed uneventfully. I'd planted some potatoes and turnips when I'd first arrived, and it was startling how well and quickly they grew. Beginner's luck, I supposed. I was planting more potatoes when I heard raised voices coming from behind my house.

There was a giant tree behind my house--I mean huge. When I first saw it, it reminded me of old stories my mother used to tell when I was little, about a fairy queen who planted trees in desolate places, bringing life and prosperity to the lands where they grew. I remember my father would yell at her for filling my head with nonsense, but after he'd gone to sleep, she'd assure me that it was true. Seeing that giant tree at the center of this island had really given me the creeps for the first day or two, and the memories it evoked might have had something to do with the strange dreams I'd had those first few nights, but I'd gotten used to it.

Anyway, a root from this giant tree had apparently grown right over a path that ran back behind my house and up into the forest where my good pals the carpenter guys set up shop. And now, I could hear Dale and Luke shouting about it. When I called over to them, they stopped arguing, but practically begged me to come over so they could explain.

Dale looked even more gruff than usual as he sat quietly on a rock, thinking of what to say. His apprentices waited respectfully, even Luke, although he stood with his back against the root and his arms crossed over his chest, obviously annoyed.

"This tree," he began hesitantly, "is very old. Years ago, it... brought life to this island." He paused, and I felt that strange fear from the first few days crawl back and settle in my stomach. No way. They were children's stories. "We called it the Mother Tree. We believed... well, we still believe," he drew himself up, committed, and his voice held a greater strength, "that the Mother Goddess planted it here, decades ago, and made this island lush and fruitful." He stared me down, daring me to contradict or laugh at him.

But I didn't. I'd felt the blood drain from my face as he spoke--Bo was watching me with a concerned frown. "The fairy queen?" I mumbled, hardly aware that I'd spoken until my companions started. It was Bo who actually replied, glancing uncertainly between Luke and his master.

"That's what my mother used to call her," he said softly. "The fairy queen and her harvest sprites, who planted trees and blessed the land around them so they were fertile and prosperous."

I tried to speak, but found I had to swallow. I also discovered that I'd sat hard on a stump. Probably for the best. "I thought that was a myth."

"So did we," Dale continued, "but ten years ago, both Bo here and the mayor's son _saw_ the harvest sprites. Apparently, something had gone wrong with the Goddess..." his gaze followed the root up to where the tree still stood. I noticed for the first time that it was... rotting. It looked as though it had been broken halfway down its massive height, and holes the size of houses had been eaten into the trunk. I guess I'd never bothered to look all the way up before. "And the tree died."

"Yes, and so the tree is dead, and it won't mind if we chop up one of its roots to get it out of the way," Luke interjected stubbornly, causing everyone to look at him (which he certainly didn't seem to mind).

Dale sighed, shaking his head. "It just doesn't feel right."

Luke huffed, obviously frustrated and convinced that the whole story was a load of bull. "Feels fine to me," he said, hefting his axe and lodging it firmly into the root.

Bo managed to cry out in an attempt to stop him, but after a few more swings, the dry, lifeless wood Luke was revealing with his cuts managed to sink in the fact that the tree was long dead, and unlikely to miss this root. Soon, Dale nodded to Bo who started chopping into the root at the other side of the path. I stayed seated on the stump beside Dale, watching and listening to the boys _chop chop chop_ at the dead tree.

I'd turned away and was talking softly with Dale when one of them shouted a warning. I whipped my head around just in time to catch a splintered hunk of wood to the face.

When I tried to blink my eyes open a few seconds later, one refused, offering only blurred redness to my sight. I was on my back on the ground, and I felt like I'd had the wind knocked out of me for a moment. Distantly I heard Dale telling Luke to find Anissa, but I remembered the farm shop was closed that day. Surely the doctor's apprentice would be in town at the clinic, just as far away as the doctor was. Luke mentioned this, but I think he was shouting, and I'm pretty sure he was running down the path as he did.

I tried to sit up, and I think I managed to mumble "I'm all right," but a strong hand pushed down on my shoulder, and when I reached up to touch the skin around my eye it was tender and wet. Head wounds, I remembered dully, tend to bleed.

"Not as bad as it looks, boy," I heard Dale say from somewhere above my face, "go in and find some clean rags, we can get this under control."

I was still lying on the ground--Dale hadn't let me move--with a rag pressed over the cut in my eyebrow when Luke returned with Jin.

I think I mentioned earlier that I knew, the first time I saw him, that Jin was different. I think that the reason we avoided ever shaking hands or any other contact after that first time was because we _both_ noticed, and neither of us liked it. The nearly physical spark I felt when our hands clasped had definitely been mutual, and we didn't want to feel it again. Or, rather, we wanted it too much. I certainly did, anyway, but I tried very hard to tell myself I didn't. And I'd done a good job of it, too, without the shrink to drag those unwanted feelings up from the messy basement where I kept them locked. But one touch, however coldly clinical, was enough to bring them all barreling up the stairs and back into the forefront of my mind.

"I've no idea how you managed it, Luke, but you certainly did a number on Jack's poor face," the doctor managed after hearing the slightly unbelievable story and seeing the rogue hunk of wood that had done the damage. "That's going to need a few stitches. I'll take you down to the clinic."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **_I... really want to have an author's note up here. Just, you know, for consistency. But I'm doing these chapters so quickly that I... really have nothing to say. I'm trying to learn ASL on YouTube, at the moment. I don't know, just in case you were interested. Carry on._

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He sat me down on one of the beds upstairs, having shooed Dale off at the door, thanking him and insisting that I would be fine. To be honest, I was feeling pretty woozy after the hike down from the woods, and was grateful that I'd had Dale's solid shoulders to lean on. Now, I was alone with the nettlesome object of my illicit desires, and a racket of battling voices in my head. Fantastic.

The doctor had replaced the rag with a pile of gauze which he now removed, soaked with blood, and disposed of in a covered bin marked as bio-hazard waste. He'd shown up with a pair of latex gloves on, but they didn't do much to dull the tingling sensation I got each time he touched my face. I tried to convince myself it had something to do with my injury, but I didn't do a very good job.

"I can't imagine the force that thing must have been launched with to do this much damage," he mused, speaking for the first time in quite a few minutes. I could no longer feel the area around my left eyebrow--for which I was grateful, because he was poking at it with tweezer-like things and scissors.

"Freak accident," I tried to quip, but managed at more of a slurred mumble. "The trajectory... doesn't make any sense."

Jin paused, looked me in my good eye for a moment, then chucked. "Possibly concussed you, too--or you banged your head on a rock when you fell..." He didn't sound concerned, but one of his hands moved rather quickly to drop its instrument on a tray and reach around to feel the back of my head. It was all a little sore, but he didn't poke anything particularly bad. His sigh of relief was nearly undetectable; I'd been watching for it. "Guess not. Still. I'm treating you for a minor concussion." He finished with the sutures and finally pushed me back onto the inclined bed.

"You are so... pretty." What?

I'm pretty sure he had a similar reaction, because for a moment, he just stared at me. Then, rather abruptly, an ice pack was pressed over half of my face, and my good eye was being rather roughly inspected. "Apparently this is worse than I thought."

I shook him off, immediately regretting it and wincing as my head throbbed. "'m serious," I mumbled. "You're very..." I'd already stopped, my scrambled brain finally catching up with my mouth and berating it for misbehaving, but I soon found Jin's bare fingers covering my lips.

"Don't." His voice was choked. I tried to get a better look at him, but the sun had just moved to beam directly through the window into my one good eye. I had to squint. "Please don't."

"'right. Won't." Yet, as I had so often discovered at the edge of sleep, there were times when some voices were stronger than others. This time, the evil side had committed a massacre. "Shrink says 's not good to suppress feelings. Says 's unhealthy. Doctors should be healthy."

I can't describe the look on his face. I did see it briefly; I'd had my eye shut, and had opened it when I sensed a cloud cover the glaring sun. It was... tight. Pale, frightened, and resigned. "Sometimes," he said, and I barely heard him so soft was his whisper, "it's healthier to stay hidden." He stood for a moment, looking down at me like I was a monster that had crawled out from under his bed, then abruptly reached up to press some buttons. "Keep the ice on until the timer goes off. I'll come check on you, see if I can send you home. Don't fall asleep."

Then he was gone.

I dutifully held the ice to my numb face for what felt like an hour before the timer finally dinged. It had probably only been ten minutes, but ten minutes of blinking with one eye into blinding sunlight because you're not supposed to keep it closed really drags on.

Jin arrived at the side of the bed, pushing more buttons and taking the ice pack from me. He followed the trail of sun from my face to the window and made an annoyed sound. "I'm sorry," he said, moving quickly to drop the shade. "I should have closed this earlier. I wasn't thinking."

"Distracted," I grumbled, clearing my throat.

"What?"

"You were distracted."

He stared at me again. This time, I could see him. He looked more contemplative than anything. And annoyed.

"All right. Yes. I was distracted." He'd come very close to me and was whispering fiercely. "What is it? What is it about _you_ that just... that...."

"Makes you crazy?"

He glared. I sort of deserved it. "_Yes_," he hissed. Then, slowly, he seemed to relax, pulling away from how he'd been leaning over the bed, his features softening. "I don't want it," he said stubbornly. Sounded vaguely familiar. The massive piles of dead voices would have recognized that statement. But they'd lost this battle.

"I usually don't, either," I admitted. "But the shrink won, today. Today...." For the first time in years, I really allowed myself to fantasize. I imagined his soft lips pressing as firmly as they did against themselves now against my own, across my jaw, down my neck... my eyes had closed. When I opened them, Jin's stunningly beautiful face was barely a foot from mine. "...Today I do."

I would think that I'd moved forward, but there was no pain, no _whoosh_ing throb from motion. So he must have closed the gap himself, because he _did_ kiss me. And it was just as I'd imagined. Possibly better.


End file.
